Di Jalan Sesat

Di Jalan Sesat

Apakah takdir mimpi ini
Mendatang berulang kali
Berdarah penuh di tanah
Sedang tangan menungkat langit

Apakah yang ku perjuangkan
Apakah yang dipertahan
Apakah mesti aku jadi pahlawan

Oh Tuhan

Tidaklah aku layak
Untuk SyurgaMu
Namun aku tak berdaya
Menahan panas NerakaMu

Curiga di mata orang
Bagai mentari rembang
Bagaikan aku berdosa
Pada siapa saja

Sedang Tuhan di mana-mana
Melihat semua dosa
Dalam serata usia
Walau ditelan
Segitiga Bermuda

Selalu ku mengulangi
Dosa yang telah ku buang
Diikuti kembali
Mengapa begini
Mengapa begini

Sedang Tuhan tahu sesiapa
Untuk Neraka untuk Syurga
Aku tak terpaksa memilih Syurga
Demi pengertian pada hukum alam

Dan sesungguhnya aku cinta padaMu Tuhan
Walaupun sesat jalan.

Kuala Lumpur : Tonight I Spent My Night With You

And again, after long time since I left u behind, I spent my night with you again.

And again, as usual you never fail to give for what I wanted.

KL, I thought want to prove to you how I changed alot, but your smiles had every story that still never erase from your diary.

I know, you knew how really I need to go on with this life. How the pain that still haunts , how the horrow still sings, I just want to show that I have change for good. Even whenever I run, the grief still follows behind.

KL, now I had life better. I dont care and give a damn how you will laugh about it. Just I dont know when will be my end. A thing for sure , I want say out loud , as long as I can feel the air and breath, I will never succumb, I will never tired to stand up again evertyime I fall.

I happy with all this pains. And I hope all the trials made me better and not become someone like you !

Procrastination

My last post was in September , and almost 2 months something stops me from write. I unsure what was it ,but i think it something to do with my inner occurence. I always dream to be a writer but i still on the quest of my consistency to write.It always that when my mood is condusive then i start writing, when bottle is emty then nothing seems to be producted.

But there was words from writer name of Diaz..who said ' in my view writer is writer because even there is ni hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway..'

Pak Cik Who Sold Apam Balik, but Refused to Sell during Ramadhan.

The stall was at residential area , invited few other residents from different taman. The sales of Apam Balik was handsome and Pak Cik is known by his specialty . I never miss during way back to taman, grabbed few of his Apam Balik. And it’s a great evening delicacies with some hot tea -o.

Pak Cik received endless customer, regular and irregular . As retired war veteran, with this stall business, Pak Cik lived moderate life yet happily. Sometimes Pak Cik will be joined with his comrades, also war’s veterans , giving him some helping hands run the tiny business.

Ramadhan along the corner, I enthusiastly spoke to Pak Cik about his business. Surely this Ramadhan by God willing Pak Cik will gain more income on selling his Apam. I told that Ramadhan surely invite extra customer and some will order for the large amount . Maybe there will be some bookings, so Pak Cik need more helper and advisedly upgrade the stall to become larger. Pak Cik smiled cordialy and nodded attentively . When Ramadhan just a day ahead, residents are became eager and some had plan to be there earlier to get Pak Cik’s delicious Apam Balik.

Hot Ramadhan evening and residents were out to pasar Ramadhan for breaking fast delicacies. I among early but…I just can’t believe my eyes that Pak Cik stall was not there…

Second Ramahan also the same, then gone weeks, but still the same. Where is Pak Cik ? I fail to find Pak Cik during Ramadhan. Residents also puzzled his sudden disappearance.

But at last I was made to met Pak Cik again. But that was during Syawal month. I stopped him and gave salam. He smiled as usual. I asked about his whereabouts during Ramadhan. With his sharp calmly smile he answered, “Sory son , Pak Cik open the stall after Isya’ and Terawih prayer everyday during Ramdhan at our residential surau. But this time Pak Cik give all for free. But confusedly , why customers not crowded as usual…"

After long thought, I understood what meant by Pak Cik.

Heart and Mind

We maybe a person with sky achievements. Every aim that lay ,everything seems goes onto target. Nothing obstacled the way, just simply and confidently leap every hurdles to achieve the goal.

Life is not solely about achieving. I learned that life is also about contemplating and meditating . Seldom we ask ourselves : We did right thing ? What is the real purpose ? Did we manipulate others ? Is it the best way to be done ? It’s sound simple and trivial but this little tiny things determined the person colors.

Once yourself always yourself . I disagree, I want to keep the good of myself, thrash up undescend , dirty and smelly part of me . But that’s not about all, I keep on asking how to become a better person. What software need to be installed in ourselves ? Is it need to be installed ? Or something already in our inner that need to change, refurbish or overhaul ?

There are two engines that work us as human . HEART AND MIND. This two engines need to function together with regular servicing and maintenance. Often I miss the next service date…..

hati aku lebam main di taman permainanmu

hati ku lebam main di taman permainan mu

tidak penah lebam yang besar begini
sejak aku mula main di taman permainan mu.
masa aku hayun buaian lalu engkau senyum dan gelak
sebenanya aku telah lama menangis dan bengkak.

tidak penah lebam yang besar begini
waktu engku jerit gembira di puncak papan gelongsor
sedang aku jatuh melungsur ke tanah
Lalu engkau gelak tentang betapa badutnya aku.

tidak penah lebam sebesar begini
waktu bermain jongkang jongkit itu
ketika aku di bawah dan engkau di atas
dan engkau terus mahu berada di atas
engkau terus gembira dan suka aku terkinja di bawah.

dan hari itu lebam itu sudah sebesar bulan
masa aku ajak engkau pulang
kau masih mahu terus bermain di taman permainan
sedang aku tahu engkau melihat dari jauh
ku jalan pulang seorang diri
meninggalkan taman permainan itu.

selamat merdeka

Selamat merdeka Malaysia. Hepi Birthday ke -52. Memang seronok hidup di Malaysia . Aku lahir 1977 maknanya 20 tahun lepas merdeka, masa tu dah tak ada perang-perang. Umur Malaysia masa tu 20 tahun makna Malaysia dah remaja dan kira dah maju . Selama tempoh 32 tahun aku idup di sini semuanya seronok. Macam –macam ada. Tak ada pulak rasa takut nak kuar umah sebab ada tembak-tembak , gaduh-gaduh dan perang-perang. Bebas nak pegi shopping, main video game,lepak-lepak, beli itu ini dan tak ada pulak pun orang nak marah klau tak pergi masjid. Seingat kalau tak silap masa Prebet Adam mengamuk tembak-tembak kat KL , masa tu aku pergi sekolah jugak macam biasa. Jadi aku rasa kat sini memang seronok, bagus untuk jadi apa yang kita nak jadi, buat apa yang kita suka.

Aku salute kat pejuang merdeka negara ini. Dia orang memang betul –betul perang, sakit dan derita masa tu , diaorang berkorban, bagi nyawa diaorang sebab terlalu sayang tanah air ini . Aku cuma nak pesan, kalau boleh , sikit pun tak apa, busuk-busuk pun kita semua jagalah negara ni. Aku memang tak penah duduk luar negera, tapi aku dapat rasa Malaysia tak macam kat negara lain, aman dan seronok .

Ini bukan suruh jadi askar , kadang askar tak patriot mana pun. Cuma kalau kita tak buang sampah rata-rata dah kira kita ini perwira negara. Kalau kita tak jadi pencuri, gangster, samseng , Ah Long atau perogol pun kita dah kira jadi perwira negara. Kalau kita tak rosak conteng tandas dan telefon awan pun dah kira kita boleh jadi perwira negara. Sekarang ni bukan susah susah nak jadi wira negara, tak payah nak bersenapang dan berpistolan lagi .

Aku bukanlah patrio sangat pun, tapi kalau orang kutuk negara ni , aku pun bengang jugak, walau pun kadang aku sendiri pun mengutuk . Aku tahu negara ni banyak bangsa, banyak fahaman, tapi bila bersama kita tak la pulak kutuk direct sama sendiri , hina sana sini , nak buat pun belakang-belakang saja. Benci menyampah dengan jiran sebelah pun tapi bila jumpa senyum jugak. Itu yang unik negara ini.

Ingat dah tak tau nak kata apa lagi. Kadang tertanya kenapa aku lahir di negara yang amam macam ni, kenapa tak kat Palestin , kat Bosnia , kat Iraq ke. Jadi aku perlu banyak bersyukur. Terima kasih pada Tuhan kerana lahirkan aku di tempat yang aman dan seronok macam ni. Aku dapat hidup dengan sempurna, dapat bersekolah, beruniversiti, berfamili, bermakan sama-sama dan kadang -kadang bersembahyang sama-sama.

Hepi birthday Malaysia. Awak dah 52 tahun. Banyak dah berubah dari dulu. Sekarang ni awak lebih hensem dari dulu. Dulu awak banyak bergolak tapi sekarang tenang hadapi ombak. Aku tak tahu nak bagi hadiah apa kat awak untuk harijadi ini.. Cuma satu aku boleh bagi atau janji ……diri aku menjadi penghuni yang baik. Itu saja. Merdeka !